I became a mom nine years ago today, after giving birth to my first daughter. Let’s just say she knows how to make an entrance, then again so does her sister. Both my girls have birth stories that aren’t all sunshine and roses, but then again whose is? So I get a good chuckle when people make a comment like, “I heard you have a crazy birth story, what happened.” I have to ask “which one?” Then their eyes get wide and I start to tell them the stories of my daughters’ births.
Both my girls were born early and spent time in the NICU at Duke. Their NICU care teams are outstanding! We joke that my body has a 5 lb eject button because my daughters' birth weights were 5 lbs and 5 lbs 2 oz, and they were born at 36 and 34 weeks. They weren't quite finished developing so they needed a little extra help adjusting to life outside my womb, and we are grateful to the NICU for providing that.
A few years ago I wrote about my second daughter’s birth on our bathroom floor and it was very cathartic. It has taken me longer to get to a place to write about my first.
Early in the morning on Monday, January 13, 2014, I woke up with a sudden feeling that I was going to meet my daughter that day and sure enough, I did. What I didn’t know when I first woke up was that what I was feeling was contractions.
I called my OBGYN to talk about what I was feeling, and since my due date was still 4 weeks out, she suggested that it was likely Braxton hicks and encouraged me to take a warm shower and try to get some rest. Well, my body had other plans. Partway into my shower, I realized I was having contractions and they were coming stronger and quicker, and it was time to get out of the shower and to the hospital.
After telling my husband it was time to go to the hospital, I called the doctor back to tell them we were coming. At the same moment, the person on the phone asked if my water had broken yet. As if on cue, my water broke right as she asked me that question. I had to laugh. After cleaning myself up, we sped up the process of leaving for the hospital.
I don’t know how fast my husband drove us to the hospital, but I know it was faster than he has ever driven. He later shared I was making some crazy noises in the car and he knew we didn’t have much time. He was right.
Within minutes of entering the hospital, I was in a room getting checked out. We quickly learned that I was fully effaced and there was no time for meds. Our daughter was coming and coming fast. It had been less than 2 hours since I’d woken up with the initial pangs of contractions. Then the mood in the room changed. I remember being told to stop pushing, my baby was breech. She was trying to come out bottom first.
I had no idea I was pushing, my body had taken over, so how was I supposed to stop? I remember having a death grip on the bed rail asking how to stop, and barely being able to talk. That’s when they said they had to do an emergency c-section.
I was quickly rolled into an operating room and transferred onto the operating table. Trying to sit up and sit still while they administered medication so they could perform the c-section was incredibly difficult and so very very painful. My body had taken over and I was writhing, so holding still felt nearly impossible.
The next few minutes were a blur, and then my daughter made her debut and I was officially a mom! But they didn’t hand her to me to hold. Instead, I was told my daughter needed to be rushed to Duke or UNC’s NICU because she had a tear from her rectum to her vagina and she needed to see a specialist there right away. She needed an ambulance to take her there. And they wouldn’t take me with her.
I chose Duke because that’s where I had been seeing some specialists. The care team cleaned up my newborn daughter and put her in a special NICU transfer “box”. And with some convincing from my husband, brought her to see me in recovery for a few minutes. But I still couldn’t hold her. She had to stay safely nestled in the transfer unit. It was time for her first ambulance ride.
My husband followed the ambulance to Duke and kept me informed. I told him to stay with her. Just stay with her.
Amazingly, the team at Duke discovered that her tear was superficial and just needed some stitches. There were no internal issues. We later learned that her bottom likely swelled while stuck in the birth canal trying to come out bottom first, and then her skin split. How it split we will never know, there are multiple possibilities.
It was such a relief that she didn’t need surgery, but the next few days sitting alone in a hospital bed in a different hospital from my newborn daughter were awful. My care team was great, my husband, my parents, and my in-laws all came to visit me, but I couldn’t hold my daughter, and I couldn’t see my daughter other than on a screen.